Sabr (patience)
Asma Khan, the founder/owner of the acclaimed restaurant Darjeeling Express in London, named one of the ‘100 coolest people in food and drink’, reflects on a tragedy she just experienced and how it teaches her the true essence of Ramadan.My friend, sadly, she passed away two days ago; she didn’t have Covid, she had cancer. It was very traumatic, she was trying to hang on so she could wish her son happy birthday. She kept telling me, I have to make sure I don’t die on his birthday, but I feel I can’t go on. She was able to wish her son on his 15thbirthday; then went into coma, and passed away two days later.It’s been a huge shock, because she was just larger than life – she loved to party, she loved to dance. There’s always that one crazy person in every room, she was that person, who would be laughing and shouting and getting us all into trouble. Very Italian! When she found out that the cancer had come back, she came straight to my restaurant carrying two wigs – a blonde and a black – and asked which one she should get. I said, blonde of course (although her hair is black), because that would make complete sense!She loved my prawn malai curry; she asked me to bring it to the hospital before she got really bad. But then she got a blockage and they put her on a liquid diet. She wrote on Facebook – and everyone’s heart broke – that she was dreaming every day about how she could liquify the prawn curry. It was awful, awful, I didn’t even know how to react. But I’m going to make sure I feed her kids prawn malai curry.It reminds me of what Ammu used to tell me about Ramadan: beta, this is about sabr. Allah is teaching you patience; it’s a huge skill and this is where you practice. The fasting, the prayers, reading the Quran, all of it is important, but Ramadan is the practice of sabr - sabr when you feel like it might all get too much.I’ve had to close down the restaurant; my rent has not been written off. We were booked until Valentine's Day next year and every Biryani Supper Club was booked, and there were waiting lists. My phone still has reminders of people who asked me to check for cancellations on particular days - table for 2, table for 6. Now, it’s like a haunting melody, it comes back again and again, I don’t even know how to turn it off.All of this has come at the same time. It’s really about how you deal with adversity, how you deal with death, what you do when everything you’ve worked for closes overnight. So I’ve been reflecting a lot about sabr. Sabr to me is what Ramadan is all about. To read all '30 reflections for our times', please follow the Facebook page '30 days 30 deeds', Instagram @salmahasanali, or subscribe to the newsletter at www.salmahasanali.com.