Day 17: Ode to the Chaat

Guest blogger: my dear, hilarious, cousin AamirGrowing up, my cousin Aamir would crack me up with his wit, humor, and wise cracks. He still does.  Sometimes, he wouldn't even utter a word, and I'd be in stitches, from the sheer anticipation of what was to come.  You'll see why ... Oh yes, fruit chaat. The sixth pillar of Islam. Although all Muslims have a love for this tasty treat, I have a personal relationship with our faith’s best gift to mankind. We all know that the prophet PBUH wanted us to combine apples, bananas, oranges, sugar, lemon juice and Shaan chaat masala as a reward for a day spent fasting. Only a divinely ordained religion could combine the crisp umami of apples, acidic sweet orange rapture in a pillow bed of banana slices. It is clear why those jealous crusaders attacked Saladin for this family recipe.These lazy humid summer days of fasting lend themselves to daydreaming and quiet contemplation. Just like you, I sometimes imagine Ramadan is 60 days so we can enjoy twice as much fruit chaat. And I imagine grocery stores with only Allah’s 3 prodigal fruit in the produce section. Through much of my life I have enjoyed this treat unadulterated and unblemished. Fruit chaat made missing Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa bearable. Fruit chaat was my friend when I was friendless, my sojourn when I was homeless and my strength when I was weak.An unfortunate development threatens my utopian existence. Forces in the universe are marshalling to disrupt the fabric of my tranquility. There are those among us who think fruit chaat is a suggestion rather than ordained dogma. Change is bad.  August 2, 2013 my birth mother last year put fruit cocktail mix in her fruit chaat. Her excuse, peeling apples hurts her hands. Fruit cocktail! Incidentally, those same allegedly arthritic hands have no problem making koftas for Imran.June 22, 2014 my wife announced that there was a sale on strawberries at Kroger. I quickly did 2 nafl before iftaar. I prayed for fungus on the strawberries to prevent them from making it to the iftaar table. My prayers were not answered. A filial sycophant commented that the strawberries added color and flavor to the dish. All I could taste were my own tears.July 5, 2014 I witnessed at the dinner table a fruit tragedy. Omar asked why the oranges in the fruit chaat looked funny. The same wife announced the oranges she bought last week didn’t look good so she opened a can of mandarin oranges. Someone at the table said it tasted fine. Unfortunately all I could taste was the bile building up in my throat. I think a little part of me died that day.I do have fond fruit chaat memories. During the early years of our marriage the fruit chaat was always proper. In those days of conjugal bliss we lived in fructusque excelsus. Every iftaar was the same. No money to buy organic grapes, genetic-free passion fruit or free range kale. No children to interfere with the creation of Allah’s awesome alimentation. Money may not be the root of all evil, but it has sullied my love affair with the Prophet’s prized produce.So as I wait at the table with my eyes closed for sunset to arrive, I imagine the bowl of my peoples’ ambrosia perfect and simple. Aleena announces its 9:09. I open my eyes to see Allah’s favorite fruits mixed together as ordained for all mankind. In the words of Zac Barnett and the American Authors, this is going to be the best day of my life.Day 17, Tradition 17: Fruit chaat, the way it is meant to be!