A letter of gratitude
The first prompt in my 30 Days Journal is to write a letter of gratitude to someone, and if you can, read it to them.
As we know, expressing gratitude is associated with greater happiness; dopamine and serotonin levels go up, stress hormones decrease, we’re better able to deal with problems, and so on.
One way to practice gratitude is by writing a gratitude letter to someone. Delivering the letter in person and reading it out loud to the recipient creates an even greater benefit for both; studies show this benefit can last up to a month. Another study reveals that we underestimate the effect a gratitude letter can have on the recipient—it’s much higher than we imagine.
While Thanksgiving is over, I hope our inclination to give thanks—perhaps through writing gratitude letters—continues, even becomes a habit.
I started a gratitude letter the day after Thanksgiving, on November 25th; it’s to my husband’s cardiac surgeon. I’m including an excerpt of it below, and will read it to him in full at our next appointment. I plan to write a letter of gratitude on the 25th of each month, and make it my birth date tradition.
Hope you’ll join me—you’ll be grateful you did. :-)
Dear Dr. Fayyaz bhai,
… What put me completely at ease was how you interacted with us from the start—with kindness, patience, and gentleness. Whenever you came into the room to check on Arif, you stood by his bedside and placed your hand on his arm or held his hand in yours; that physical touch was so reassuring, even I felt it. You looked him in the eye and spoke with a gentle confidence that not only answered our questions but allayed our fears.
We already knew you were the best in the field, one of only twelve percent of US surgeons who can do coronary artery bypass surgery ‘off-pump’; every person we spoke to also sang your praises. It’s your humility that touched me, moved me. You always pointed upward to give credit. “Only He gives shifa (healing),” you’d say. “He is the healer.”
It's not surprising then that when I asked you about a wisdom from an elder that guides you, you said, “the thing I remember from watching my father is humility.” He was a pir (spiritual guide) you told me; he would teach people, feed people, make dua for people. You explained that the name Hashmi derives from “Hashim” — an honorific name for the Prophet’s great grandfather who was known for distributing bread among the pilgrims visiting Makkah.
You are carrying on your father’s wisdom, Dr. Hashmi, as well as honouring the legacy of your family name—there are many ways to provide sustenance, after all.
I’m not quite sure how two simple words, thank you, can possibly capture my family’s gratitude, but I hope you’ll accept them, with our deepest sincerity.
I was looking through the 30 Days book and found this post that Arif had shared in the 30 Days blog almost 10 years ago, when the theme was “30 duas/prayers”. It couldn’t be more true today. This is one of the joys of recording our personal stories and reflections, we can turn back to them and reminisce, see how far we’ve come, or realize that we’re still searching. Ten years ago, Arif’s prayer was a yearning for more time. By the Grace of God and the surgical skills of Dr. Hashmi, Arif’s prayers have been answered. Alhumdulillah.
Salma is mad at me. She’s been asking me for a dua [for this year’s “30 Days” blog] for two weeks and I haven’t given her one. It’s not because I haven’t wanted to or don’t feel the importance of contributing. It’s that I feel it too much. There is so much that I am thankful for and so much that I want to pray for. But most of all I want to pray for time. Time to enjoy all that God has given me. Time to appreciate His bounty and generosity. Time to be warmed by my daughter’s smiles and to comfort her when she’s having a “poodle” (meltdown). Time to enjoy my son’s sense of humour and participate in the constancy of his curiosity. And time to give him the much needed direction that a young man deserves. Time to hold on to every moment with my parents and parents-in-law, cherish their every word and give them the confidence that their kids are doing well and will be alright. Time to stop for an eternity so that I can say the million and one things that I want to say to Salma about what she means to me. Time to be a better brother, friend and colleague. Time to thank the Almighty. This shouldn’t need time. I know I should do it all the time and I beg forgiveness that I don’t.
Arif, Ramadan 2013
Artwork by Sughra Hussainy. What you seek, is seeking you - Rumi
Hope you’ll consider gifting the 30 Days book this holiday season - a unique, handmade, meaningful gift full of stories on the things that truly matter in our lives. Includes beautiful artwork by Sughra Hussainy, such as this illumination of Rumi’s verse, “What you seek, is seeking you.”
PS: I gifted the book to Dr. Hashmi, and our bond deepened further.
Hope you’ll gift the 30 Days Journal to yourself, to start capturing your own gratitudes and reflections, or share it with someone you care about. Please take a look at this 2-min video to see the beauty and intention behind this journal.
100% of the proceeds from the book and journal will be donated to help underprivileged families get excellent medical care in the US and Pakistan, in honor of Dr. Hashmi.
To order the 30 Days Book / Journal
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A few past newsletters:
Wisdoms Inspired in Nature: My New Book!
Life Lessons for my Son, that I Learned this Week